Friday, October 10, 2008

WARNING! Spiderus grossandscaryos

Yes, I am aware that is not a real genus species name! But it should be. Spiders are gross and scary!
Snakes: cool.
Mice: cute.
Bats: fascinating.
Spiders are the spookiest creatures I can think of!

And they are probably my greatest phobia. I cannot remember a time when I wasn't frightened of them and I have learned to be a brave little toaster. When Ian was small I tried not to pass on my issue... Instead of simply leaving until a responsible adult could come and remove the spider (what if it hid when I wasn't watching?!), or better yet moving to a new home - I would have him count to three and then I would smush them. I am aware this is not a charitable act. I know spiders perform a service for us, removing smaller insects which could harm us or our food supply or at least irritate us. But when they invade my space... all bets are off baby! No spiders suffered in the collection of the following snaps. As they were all outside, they were left in peace.

The little friend above was captured on film during our recent Canada trip. I swear I saw more species of spider on that trip than ever before in one place. Typically, you just get the ever present wolf spider. Huge and intimidating like the one below. Saw this one hanging out on the dock during one of our much earlier trips to Quebec. I can still hear Ian saying,"Mom! do you have any idea how close you are to that spider while you are taking that picture?!" I did not. A photographer's job is to distance herself from the subject while still communicating the complete icky-ness of the situation. I couldn't have captured that giant egg sack from 10 feet away! For perspective I think the planks of the dock are about six inches wide... so I believe Mrs. Spider was say 3 inches? And her future family perhaps one inch? Now, Getting out of the boat and onto the dock - that was another story entirely.

Then there's this guy that crashed my recent birthday party. This time I was bolstered by liquid courage when clicking.

People enjoy torturing me with spiders. Here is Christmas 1984 upon which my generally loving and supportive oldest sister thought it would be hilarious to wrap all my presents with fake, plastic spiders embedded in the tissue wrappings. Yup. Hilarious. See a few down there near the bottom of the frame?

Recently, my boss retaliated against my purely creative, not at all scary April Fools joke by placing a live spider inside one of our product containers and tricking me into opening it by faking a packaging emergency. Did I mention it was live? I responded by calling him a very naughty, terribly bad name right to his face, so I guess neither of us can go to HR to make a report! (Okay - technically this guy is no longer with us. I may have given him a concussion when I flipped his lidded cup over before I knew he was inside. My bad. And I do mean the spider, not my boss.)

I didn't get a picture of my latest encounter. Remember my scenic drive back from Canada? Lovely fall colors, unique road side sculptures, pleasant conversation, and thought provoking books? About midway through the trip I was ambushed. I'm reading quietly when I look down on my lap. Now I had steeled myself against potential spider sightings on the dock, in the boat, the cabin doorway - no problem. But in the car on the way home? Not so much! Right there on my leg, crawling stealthily I'm certain toward a major artery, was a spider of moderate size.

Yes, I did Scream. Loudly.

No, the husband driving was in no way amused.

I apologized profusely and then spent the remaining five hours in the car wrapped in panic and nausea. You see, rather than approaching the situation with a crush, kill, destroy attitude, I was unprepared for it and I accidentally brushed the spider off my lap. Seriously. It is still lurking in the van.

Ah yes: So many spiders - so little time. Someone should put that on a mug!


Laume said...

I'm not afraid of spiders. I usually leave them alone, even in my house. Sometimes I shoo them outside. I do draw the line at sharing my bed with them. That creeps me out and they gt flicked far away, with my fingers a mighty trebuchet. I doubt they survive. My DIL is afraid of them though. I find it amusing. I suspect the day will come when my now toddler granddaughter will be the spider smusher for her mother.

Walker Lady said...

I felt bad when we ended the life of a huge spider recently too. I am ok if they stay on their side of the world, but invade my space and I become a mad moosher of spiders. I really felt bad when we also killed the thousand babies the giant invader had brought with her. :(

I will get over it...but I don't like killing innocent bugs either!!!

Connie said...

HA ha. your blog is VERY funny - and fun too! I love spiders - i collect spider things. The nastiest scariest insect I know of is a COCKROACH. I hate, detest, abhor ....and am deathly afraid of them. my DH put a dead one under a book I was reading in my art studio. So Not Funny.

Mandi said...

Aunt Connie! You forgot the time that they filled your luggage Christmas present with tiny plastic spiders... I am not sure whether I was alive or not to witness this occurrence, however I have heard plenty!

AND you can't forget when you saw the Harry Potter movie in theaters with us and were unaware of the amount of GIANT spiders :)

Needless to say, we were amused. The oldest brother has recently jumped on your bandwagon of spider hating, just so you know!